


Touch

by ludgerkresnik



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 15:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16495757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ludgerkresnik/pseuds/ludgerkresnik
Summary: In which Ash has nightmares, and Eiji wants to help him. Yet, Ash has difficulties opening up to him.





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> So, I made the attempt to sort of tackle Ash's past without delving into it, however, it was difficult since it would have meant that I'd have to dig into my own past so a lot of it is more vague and dealing with only one symptom of ptsd: nightmares. 
> 
> This is based off of my own experience with an ex of mine after a fairly difficult night for me, and I found that her touch was the nicest thing at that moment so I based this scene off of that (though some parts are different).
> 
> I do apologize if this is upsetting for any readers in any way.

Eiji thinks Ash is asleep, and the blond knows this because he feels him run his fingers through his hair. He’s done this for quite some time now, whenever Ash’s eyes close and he looks like he’s asleep. It baffles him, but he doesn’t mind it too much. There are days where he wants to surprise his sweet lover by saying something, but he fears he’ll ruin the moment and Eiji will stop.

His touch is soothing and it’s so much more gentle than the hands that used to touch him growing up; those would often leave bruises but his? His makes Ash feel warm, they make him feel safe and if he could, he would just remain in Eiji’s arms and let him touch him any way he pleases so long it did not hurt.

Their love is like no other--they don’t need the physical, intimate part. Ash  _can’t_  and Eiji isn’t interested. There had been a point where his lover had quietly admitted he just wasn’t into  _that_ part of the relationship. Kisses, flowers,  _those_  were what he liked the most.

A finger strokes along his jaw bone, and across his cheek. Ash can’t suppress a deep sigh of satisfaction. Finally, with relunctance, he opens his eyes to find Eiji staring down at him, those beautiful brown eyes ever entrancing.

“Hey,” Eiji whispers.

“Hey,” Ash responds as he reaches up to brush strands of Eiji’s black hair out of his face and tucks it behind his ear. It’s gotten long, and he hasn’t gotten it cut (and maybe he doesn’t--Ash doesn’t mind either way).

“You were crying again.” Eiji says, softly. He pulls back as Ash sits up, resting his back against the headboard and their multiple pillows that he had insisted on buying.

 _Ah._ “So I was,” He agrees, not wanting to go in the details. He seems to do that a lot lately--the nightmares get worse when his birthday slowly comes around the corner. “Sorry for worrying you.”

Eiji licks his lips--a nervous habit he had started. It’s how Ash  _knows_  he wants to ask questions, to push deeper and past the surface of his psyche and to  _understand_  and know his past that he’s barely divulged to his lover. “You know, I love you, right?”

“Yes, and I love you too.”

“No, I mean,” Eiji draws in a deep breath. “I want to help you.”

“These aren’t your problems,” Ash snaps out. He doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to think about it. The guilt is immediate as Eiji withdraws back. They had gone through so much together the last two years, and he  _does_  feel guilty for holding back so much more. “I’m sorry, Eiji.”

“It’s fine,” Eiji answers, even though Ash knows it’s not. “I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles as he draws his knees to his chest, feeling as though he were a child. “I’ll be fine, okay?”

Eiji reaches out again, tips of his fingers gently brushing against Ash’s cheek. “I know,” he says with a hint of firmness. “You’re you, after all.” His fingers linger and he leans into the touch. “You were just a kid.”

 _That_  feels like a knife to his chest, and he feels a prick at his eyes. “Hey, let’s uh, let’s talk about something else.”

Eiji moves away, and gets out of bed, nearly bringing the entirety of their comforter with him. “I’ll make some tea,” He says. “It helps when you’re not feeling good.”

Ash doesn’t say anything as Eiji leaves the room.

It doesn’t take too long before he’s returned with two cups in hand and climbing on the bed, maneuvering so he doesn’t spill the contents. They drink in silence, and Ash automatically leans up against him.

If there’s one thing about their relationship, it’s how  _willing_  he wants to be close with Eiji, something that’s abnormal. Yet he doesn’t allow Shorter to really touch him or break too much of a personal space with him, and he’s his best friend and confidant (and come hell and high water should someone ever lay a hand on him).

“You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me,” Ash says, finally breaking the silence, his voice heavy with sleep.

“What about Shorter?”

“What  _about_  Shorter? He’s not my fiance, is he?”

Eiji rakes his fingers through Ash’s hair. “No, I guess not.”

“There you go,” Ash buries his face in Eiji’s arm, the best that he can. “Thank you,”

“Yeah,” Eiji’s voice is barely above a hushed whisper, almost inaudible. He takes the empty cup from Ash’s hand and places both of them on the nightstand next to his side of the bed, trying to move so he doesn’t wake his nearly slumbering lover but ultimately fails as Ash nearly falls face first onto the bed.

When he settles down, Ash is more than willing to lay in Eiji’s arms and his face buried in his chest. Maybe for the remainder of the night, he won’t have a nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated, and constructive critisicm is very much loved by this author.
> 
> You can also find me over on Tumblr as [nephry](http://nephry.tumblr.com) as well as, [inkedsnow](http://inkedsnow.tumblr.com)!


End file.
